Tombstone Tuesday - Nancy Finally Got Her Tombstone

Michael and Nancy O'Donoghue nee Brown - St Gabriel's Cemetery, Hazleton, PA

I've blogged about my cousin, Nancy O'Donoghue nee Brown, before.  She was one of those dear cousins you meet online when researching your genealogy.  You correspond, compare notes, and help each other as best as you can.  We even met once.  I still remember it fondly.

Shortly before I started blogging (almost 3 years ago now) Nancy died.  She was killed by her husband and we were all shocked beyond belief.  This doesn't happen to people you know.  It's something you read about in other people's families.  Her husband, Michael, was apparently seriously ill.  He died almost exactly a year after Nancy and before his trial could begin.

This is one of those pieces of family history that I would love to know what happened...why it happened, but I would never seek to ask anyone in Nancy and Michael's family just to confirm or alter my own theories.  Their children and grandchildren have got to be completely devastated and heart-broken.  I'm sure they would prefer to remember Michael and Nancy with fond, loving memories.  I'm sure they do.  They deserve to.

I was upset when I visited Nancy's gravesite nearly a year after she passed and discovered that there was only a marker from the funeral home.  No tombstone.  I had spoken with the caretaker at Saint Gabriel's Cemetery in Hazleton, PA and he had told me that many people stopped by to visit Nancy and asked the same question.

I didn't make it home in 2012 so perhaps the tombstone was there then.  I can only guess that perhaps the family knew in 2011 that Michael's end was near and they held off on placing the stone until after his passing.  Either way I'm just glad it's there.

Rest in peace, Nancy and Michael.

Sunday's Obituary - Remembering Nancy

A electronic scrapbook page Nancy created and linked to me.  This is her as a little girl.

It's been a year since something horrible happened.  I previously wrote about how my cousin, Nancy O'Donoghue nee Brown, still didn't have a tombstone at her grave.  Well, today marks the anniversary of her death.  I'll never forget how I found out about it either.


My Uncle Ed reads the hometown news online even though he now lives on Oahu.  He saw an obituary for Nancy and emailed my mother asking if this was one of the cousins I'd found doing my genealogy research.  My mom forwarded the link to me telling me how sorry she was.  I had just talked to Nancy by email less than a month earlier and seeing a news article about her murder was surreal.  I starred at the page on my computer and although I read it, I didn't really take it in.  It wasn't her.  Why were they sending this to me?  Then it finally sank in.  It was her.  My sweet, sweet cousin was gone.  Murdered by her husband.  That's not a shock you get over and I cried sporadically for several days whenever I thought about it.

I'm not saying that I was close with my cousin.  I'd met her once and communicated with her sporadically.  We both enjoyed genealogy research and we'd found each other researching the same line through an Ancestry.com message board.  Then Nancy suggested that we meet up the next time I came back to Pennsylvania.  I took her up on it.  We met at the Knotty Pines restaurant (a local, Hazleton, PA landmark that is now a parking lot).  My mom came with me, as did my husband and oldest son.  We talked about our families, genealogy, and exchanged information.  She even went with us to Saint Gabriel's cemetery to visit family plots.  Sounds boring to non-genealogists, but it was a special memory for me.  And Nancy was one of the sweetest, kindest people I had ever met.  I felt like I had known her for years!  If it hadn't been for Nancy, I would still have a fairly large chunk of my Brown family missing from my tree.

I had felt like I had finally contributed something significant to our tree when I located the grave of our common Brown ancestor.  The grave of Neil and Nancy Brown (nee McCoy) was something we had both been looking for.  I excitedly took pictures and sent an email to her complete with directions on how she could find it.  She was excited and said that she looked forward to being able to visit it the next time she got up to Hazleton from Newark, DE.

She also talked about how she was hurting and had stopped going up and down stairs as much as possible.  I asked how bad she was feeling (my memory is always horrible and I couldn't remember what it was that caused her pain).  Nancy brushed off the question cheerfully.  She was just fine.  She changed the subject to digital scrapbooking and her grandkids.  It was the last I communicated with her.

I don't know why her husband did what he did. She never, ever spoke ill of her husband.  She always spoke fondly of him, her children and grandchildren.  It was clear that he was the love of her life, so hearing the news of her murder was particularly shocking.  I immediately began rationalizing what had happened.

"Hazleton native accuse of killing sleeping wife

Lucille Sukel of Hazleton couldn't understand why her high school classmates weren't returning her e-mails, as they talked every day.

She hadn't heard from Hazleton natives Michael J O'Donoghue and his wife, the former Nancy Brown, in three days, she said.  On Tuesday morning, Sukel found out why.

Michael O'Donoghue, 68, was charged with first-degree murder of his 67-year-old wife, Nancy, in their Newark, Del., home.

O'Donoghue called police early Monday morning - two days after shooting his wife in the back of the head as she was lying in bed, Delaware Online reported.

Police found Nancy O'Donoghue in a second-floor bedroom with bullet wounds and severe blunt force trauma to her head.

Michael O'Donoghue told police that he shot his sleeping wife twice with a small-caliber handgun from his night stand, court papers said.  He also took a hatchet from the garage into the bedroom, in case the gun did not kill his wife, court papers said.

O'Donoghue told police he may have struck his wife in the head with the hatchet after he shot her, investigators said.  He then got into bed and held her, court papers said.  Police recovered a gun and a hatchet in the home.

He is also charged with possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony and possession of a deadly weapon during the commission of a felony.

Nancy (center) at the Knotty Pines

The news shocked friends who graduated in 1960 from St. Gabriel's High School with the couple, leaving them with more questions than answers, Sukel said.

"I have been on the phone with classmates all morning," she said.  "They loved each other very much.  This is the most unexpected thing.  We're in shock."

Sukel remained very close to the couple, despite the miles between them, she said.

"If she was going out shopping, I knew it," Sukel said.

She became concerned when neither answered the e-mails - the last sent Monday night.  Then, Tuesday morning, another classmate learned about the murder and word reached Sukel.

"We're all just astounded," she said.  "None of us could make any sense out of [sic]

Sukel worked with the couple to plan their 50th high school reunion, which was held in June.  The O'Donoghues were on the reunion committee, and Nancy had received a special award for all her hard work on the event, Sukel said.

Michael, who was known to friends as "Jay," had worked as an accountant, and Nancy as a nurse, she said.

Another of Nancy's scrapbook pages (her father)

"Both were retired.  They were happy and contented," Sukel said.

She wishes she could drive to Delaware to ask her friend what happened and why, questions to which she may never know the answers.

Delaware Online, an online edition of The News Journal of Wilmington, contributed to this story.

kmonitz@standardspeaker.com, 570-455-3636"

Published in the Citizens Voice on October 6, 2010

That was the news article.  Her obituary reads much better:

"Nancy O'Donoghue, 67, of Newark, Del., passed away Saturday at her residence.

Born in Hazleton, she was the daughter of the late James and Martha Brown.

Nancy was a graduate of St. Gabriel's High School in 1960 and worked as a registered nurse prior to her retirement.

Another of Nancy's scrapbook pages (her parent's wedding)

Preceding her in death, in addition to her parents, was her son, Patrick.

Surviving are her husband, Michael J.; sons, Dr. Michael and his wife Merih, Maryland; and James and his wife, Catie, Delaware; brothers, William and his wife, Barbara, North Carolina; and James, Arizona; and eight grandchildren.  Several nieces, nephews and cousins also survive.

Friends are invited to attend a Mass of Christian Burial on Saturday at 11 a.m. at Holy Annunciation Parish at St. Gabriel's Church, Hazleton.

Interment will follow at the parish cemetery.

Friends may call at the church from 10 a.m. until the time of the service.

Fierro Funeral Services Inc. is in charge of the arrangements."

Published in the Hazleton Standard-Speaker, October 7, 2010

Today marks the 1st anniversary of Nancy's loss.  It is still unbelievable.  Unreal.  I don't personally know her children or her husband.  I can only imagine what they've been going through and what they are about to go through.  Her husband's trial is set for the first week of November.  I know that it means more news will be out there.  Maybe something to help piece together as to how and why this could have happened, but my thoughts turn to her children and what they are going through.  To have lost their mother, and to see their father on trial for killing her.  It's got to be tearing them up inside.

I don't hold any animosity toward her husband "Jay" either.  I don't know why he killed her, but to have done it in the manner he did and then hold her for so long before calling the police?  My mind wanders to her telling me that she was hurting.  Was it bad enough that he thought he was helping her?  I can't believe that either.  They were both Catholic.  To take a life or to ask that your life be taken is damnable and they would know that.  Would believe that.  I cannot conceive of Nancy asking her husband to do something that would damn him, or her.  So even when I try to make sense of it all, it makes less sense.

I hope that her family is granted the strength they need to make it through all this and to make sure that fond memories are preserved like the beautiful pages in Nancy's scrapbooks.  A beautiful woman.  Never to be forgotten.

[Photos and scrapbook pages used in this blog were either taken by me or shared with me by Nancy.  Most pictures have been cropped to focus solely on Nancy.]

UPDATE:

Is it odd to update a post before it's published?  I had this post written and scheduled to go out and something unbelievable happened.  Nancy's husband just died.  Just a few days before the anniversary of her death.  I don't know why I'm angry.  As I stated before, I'm not angry at him necessarily.  I'm angry at what he did...it was so senseless.  Maybe I'm angry because now we'll never know why.  The trial would have been in a month and I wanted to know why.  Ah well.  Here's his obituary:

"Michael "Jay" O'Donoghue of Newark, Del., and formerly of Hazleton, passes away on Wednesday at Heartland House Hospice, Wilmington, Del.

Forn in Hazleton, he was the son of the late Michael E. and Lucille (Sargent) O'Donoghue.

Jay was a graduate of St. Gabriel's High School.

Preceding him in death, in addition to his parents, were his wife, the former Nancy Brown, and their son, Patrick.

Surviving are his sons, Michael and wife, Merih, Maryland; and James and wife, Catie, Delaware.  Eight grandchildren and several nieces and nephews also survive.

Friends are invited to attend a Mass of Christian Burial on Saturday at 11 a.m. in Holy Annunciation Parish at St. Gabriel's Church, Hazleton.  Interment will follow in the parish cemetery.  The family will receive guests in the church from 10 a.m. until the time of Mass.

Fierro Funeral Service Inc., Hazleton, is handling the arrangements.

In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to the Heartland House Hospice in Wilmington, Del."

Published in the Hazleton Standard Speaker 30SEP2011

Tombstone Tuesday - I'm a Bit Disappointed and Angry

Nancy O'Donoghue nee Brown (middle)

I'm traveling back to Texas while this posts so no 1860 census form this week, so I decided to post one of the many tombstones that I visited while on my trip home.

One of the gravestones I very much wanted to visit was for my cousin, Nancy O'Donoghue nee Brown.  She was killed last October.  I never met the rest of the family.  Nancy and I corresponded because we were both researching our Brown line and realized that it was the same line.  We met once and exchanged information.  We corresponded occasionally on Facebook and would email each other from time to time with life events or if either of us discovered something new in our research.  She was an incredibly warm, sweet lady.  I wanted to visit her grave and get a picture of the tombstone.


There was no tombstone.  There was only the metal marker that the funeral home puts out after burial.  The temporary marker.  I spoke with the caretaker and the rectory and was told that many friends had stopped by looking for Nancy's grave to pay their respects, but that the temporary metal marker wasn't even placed by the funeral home until recently.  She was buried in October and nothing had marked her grave until very recently.  Unacceptable.

A bit harsh perhaps.  I never met her immediate family as I mentioned, but I don't understand the hold up.  I know that the family no longer lives in Hazleton, PA where Nancy was laid to rest in our old parish cemetery, but wouldn't someone have checked to see if the marker had been placed?  Wouldn't someone at least have insisted on the temporary marker after the funeral?

I know they are going through hard times right now.  Money may be tight.  I won't go into the circumstances surrounding Nancy's death in this post.  It is truly horrific and is undoubtedly tearing the family apart, but with so many people wanting to visit Nancy's gravesite could a memorial fund not have been created?  I would have given money for a marker.

I'm going to have to bite the bullet though.  I've got the funeral home's telephone number and I intend on calling and asking if the stone was purchased through them or if other arrangements have been made.  If I have to I will raise money for a marker for my cousin.  I will not let this sweet lady's memory fade away. 

Tuesday's Tall Tales! - Discovering a Connection to a Basketball Legend, Part II

Excerpt from the 1930 US Census.  Charles Jr still at home with his widowed father and unmarried.

Hubie Brown.  Apparently he's a name that many basketball fans know.  I don't watch basketball.  It's a shame, I know...Final Four going on and all...a grandfather that was the basketball coach at the local Junior High...a baby sister that was a basketball phenom in elementary and middle school (very surprising considering she's shorter than me and I'm a giant 65-inches tall!), but when my cousin, gave me this article and told me that we were related to "The Great Hubie Brown", I kind of just looked at her and said, "Um, who?"  Of course, at that, my mom, who was sitting next to our cousin, just stared at me like she didn't recognize me as her own child...how could I not know who Hubie Brown was!?!

The article was still relatively new when my 2C1R, Nancy O'Donoghue nee Brown, handed it to me in the Knotty Pine restaurant in Hazleton, PA on our first meeting.  I had met Nancy online while researching and we realized we had a connection.  We promised to get together when I visited Pennsylvania next and we kept that promise, my mom, husband and child in tow.  Our genealogical relationship, while cut short by her death, was incredibly fruitful.  Researching a common surname is never easy and we made some excellent dents in our Hazleton "Brown" family.

We were never able to figure in how this Basketball Hall of Fame coach fit into our tree though.  It's not hard to do research on Hubie.  There's a lot out there, but when researching we need to make sure that we don't force a fit into our family tree for the sake of verifying a Tall Tale/Family Legend.  There was quite the write up on Hubie by Sports Illustrated back in 2007 so I started looking there.

The article verified that Hubie's parents were Charles Brown and Anna (no surname given, so perhaps the Hazleton, PA newspaper was correct with the "Brislin" surname), however according to Hubie and his wife he was an only child...I suppose the Hazleton Standard Speaker didn't only screw up on the section title to that article!  Actually, you can see that Charles had a sister name "Geneive" in the 1930 census.  Perhaps that is where the confusion lies!

There were only 3 Charles Browns in Hazleton, PA in the 1930 Census, and I've got two of them in my tree.  Charles Sr. is the son of Neal Brown Sr, my great-great grandfather.  Charles Sr married Annie Lugrand [sic] and had 9 children that I know of.  I've found them easily enough in the census records and Nancy's research had verified this.  Charles Jr is where Nancy and I assumed Hubie fit in, but we couldn't be sure.  We didn't have a wife listed for Charles Jr and as of the 1930 census, Charles, Jr was 28 and still living with a widowed Charles, Sr.  No marriage yet to Anna Brislin.

So do I just sit here and wait patiently for one more year until the 1940 census comes out to locate Hubie and verify that his Charles is my Charles Jr?  I don't have that kind of patience.  What I can do since I know that he was Catholic and was born in Hazleton, PA is contact my family church and request information on my Charles Jr since he would have most likely been married in there (Saint Gabriel's Roman Catholic Church).  I can also request a marriage certificate for Charles and Anna to find their parents' names, or look up some obits in the local newspaper when I return home during the summer, or request the New Jersey microfilm on interlibrary loan.  I'm not at a dead-end, I'm just swimming through mud right now.  Slow, but easy to stay afloat!

I suppose I could also simply write to Hubie Brown and ask if Neal Brown and Nancy McCoy are his ancestors.  From what I've read about him, he'd probably appreciate the brass it would take to send a letter like that to a stranger! While I've got the brass, it's not really my style.  I'll write if I find a link.  Not to say "hey" to a famous distant cousin.  Rather to ask..."So what about those ancestors of ours?  Got any intel for me?"  Now that's more my style.

So, have I busted this tall tale?  There's still work to do so we'll give it a Myth Buster's "Plausible" for the next few months.  Then we can change its status.  Right now though, To Be Continued...

Tuesday's Tip - Take a Picture Already!

John Jeffrey Ryan Jr 1971-2000

I love taking pictures. Capturing those special moments on film.  With a digital camera, I may have actually gotten worse and may need therapy.  I'm sure there are times when my family gets tired of me whipping the camera out, but as genealogists and family historians we all wish we had more pictures of our ancestors' "special moments".  That drives me to take pictures, so that my children and grandchildren (and so on) will see the times we went through, who was special in our lives, where we lived, etc.

There's another reason I take so many pictures.  Loss.  When you lose someone you've run out of opportunities.  Opportunities to talk with them, to tell them you love them and to take a picture of them.  I lost 2 dear family members this year as well as a dear friend.  I was good at taking pictures of my father-in-law with the kids although now he's gone I wish I had taken even more.  I had gotten a couple pictures of my cousin, Nancy, before she was killed by her husband...I'm still waiting for the "why" to that one.  I had taken plenty of pictures of my old friend, 1SG/CSM, Chris Raines.  I have these pictures of these cherished people because of another loss when I did not take a picture.

Patrick & John Jeffrey Ryan Jr.

My cousin, Jeff Ryan, died on New Year's Eve 2000.  I saw him on Thanksgiving before he died.  I had my camera with me and took no pictures.  I thought he'd think it was silly.  I was pregnant with my first child at the time and before leaving my Aunt and Uncle's house I hugged him and said that the next time I saw him, he'd be meeting the newest member of the family.  A month later he was gone.  I regret not having taken those pictures.  I always thought he'd be there.  He was only 29.  You never know how long you have with the people you love.

OK...now enough of that depressing crap...

I also realized as I was preparing to take part in the "Home" blog for 52 Weeks of Personal Genealogy & History that I have no picture of the house I grew up in!  There are pictures of my sisters and me on the porch and playing in the backyard.  Pictures of the inside of the house, but none of the house in its entirety.  How did that happen?  Then I began to realize that I don't have a picture of the hospitals my children were born in (less important perhaps), or the church I was married in.  Don't forget that when you're taking pictures of all those great events to get the bigger details, not just the little ones!

The next time I return to Hazleton, Pennsylvania you can be sure I'll be taking a picture of the house I grew up in.  It's changed since I lived in it.  Before my father moved away from there he attempted to paint it.  I may have to get my photo editing software out and change it back because it looks terrible now!

So take plenty of pictures.  With digital cameras it's cheap and easy.  You never have to develop the bad pictures and you can take as many as you like....just remember to label them!...but that's another blog...

Nancy O'Donoghue nee Brown (center)

CSM (ret) Christopher Raines